BUSY

“Slow down. Take a deep breath. What’s the hurry? Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway?”

Jeremiah 2:25

Busy

Busyness used to be my trophy. I used to hold it up high. As I sank lower, crushed by its glory, drained of my power but still it went higher.

Look at my prize, look at my reward.

Look at how happy I am when I cant sleep, no time to eat, mistreating my friends no time to extend mercy. Look at how I have no time to breathe suffocating as I gasp for some form of relief. Look at how much I am achieving, filling my time so I don't have to stop.

As if having no time was to be admired. As if being busy was to be applauded and cheered. Running, but the more I ran the more I ran out. The more I filled the more empty I became, nothing to pour out.

So I'm chasing, running, mourning, caught in thoughts that were or could have been. I stay busy because then there is no time to be still. No time to consider the state of my heart and what is driving me. The motives for my actions. The reasons behind my trophy, my prize so I keep pre occupied, scared of space and scared of time,of the things I would find if I was to stop and be still.

I know I tried it. Took guts and courage to face this form of nothingness and this was new I needed practise because what I found was a whole load of restlessness, some peace but mostly a mess and a mind of busyness that did not want to stop. My heart didn't stand a chance until my thinking calmed and distractions faded. Being found by love in this moment of waiting. Focus on my breathing to ground me in this present moment. 

Because who can just be still and that be enough?

Who can just stop and be at rest?

Without the haunts of yesterday taunting or the daunting thoughts of tomorrow pulling forward my attention. I faced what I feared when I stopped.

This is my journey, my progress. Where my achievement was found in being, where my success was doing nothing and being ok with it. This is where I can be met with perfect love of just being enough rather than doing enough.

Busyness a suggested cover up concealing the fear of having to stop working, such good thing getting things done, achievement. All life giving but busyness that is hectic is not productive, not living, rooted in panic.

The motive for busy is the question, who are you proving yourself too? Do you keep busy for others or do you keep busy for you? What's the drive, what's the agenda behind, to be busy sometimes an excuse to avoid what's going on in the inside.

Busyness used to be my trophy. I used to hold it up high, but now I have no time for busyness because every second as it ticks by

Is full 

To be embraced

Not motored through

Busyness no longer my fuel.

Kristina Mann